Semen Battle Royale

No, it’s not some gay porn title.
If you look below, you’ll actually see that this post is labeled culture.
This post is about how to settle scores.

As a teenager, I loved Egyptian mythologies, especially the battles between two gods, Horus and Set.
They fought because Horus wanted to claim control over all Egypt...
And also because Set killed Horus’ father and fed his penis to the fish (wow, talk about repressed anger).
Eventually, through brawl and wit, Horus finally won against the evil Set and rule Egypt.

It was a nice story,
until I found just exactly how he won.

It turned out, in one of their final battles, Set tried to prove his dominance over Horus to the other gods, showing them he was the worthy one to rule Egypt. And by dominance, I mean injecting his semen to Horus’ dump hole.
Thus, the fight of the ages ensued, as both sides started to rape each other and penis-jab rigorously.
Finally, Set was able to shoot his gravy at a perfect direction to the hole.
Feeling he had already won, he then walked away.

However, it turned out that Horus was able to catch Set's semen with his hand in time.
So, he went to a river, cut his hand (a very understandable amputation), and threw the thing away. Then, he went to a lettuce garden (Set loved lettuces) and had himself a jerk-off. It was not long until Set came and ate the lettuce.

At judgment day, when the other gods called Set’s semen, it answered from the river, while Horus’ answered from inside Set, proving Horus’ dominance over him.
He won and became the ruler of Egypt.

The end.

Needless to say, it is such a brutal and traumatic story for a teenager.
It managed to transform something as cool as this

to this...

I guess that’s why the solution didn’t survive the ages. I can only imagine at this time, a guy approaches his friends and says,
“Hey guys, about the two trips we planned, I know a way to decide which one we should pick...”