The Price of Knowledge

Have you ever seen an episode of The Simpsons where Homer becomes smart?

It turns out that there’s a crayon embedded in his brain that makes him a dumb man we know.
So, a surgery is done to remove the crayon; and after that, he turns into a smart person.
It goes well for Homer, but after a while, knowledge starts to take its toll.
He realizes that he cannot be as happy as he was. He is unable to appreciate the simple, stupid things that used to make him happy. To know really takes the fun of everything.
In the end, he undergoes a second surgery and has the crayon reinserted. He is dumb again but very happy.

I can’t tell you how much I relate to this simple story.
In my spiritual journey, I have come to realize that everything is just, well, NOTHING.
And as the result, I have lost almost all my faith in them.
I don’t have anything to fight anymore, because everything is just worthless.
The world for me now is just a bunch of lies.
It still has its own eternal values (silence, serenity, prudence, true love, etc), but none of them gets me as excited as the lies would.
In other words,

The world is big
The world is profound
The world is divine
And it is no fun.

It gets me hard sometimes.
And since I cannot undo what I already know, what must I do?

Anthony DeMello once said that in life there were two things a human had to do.
The first one was to know that everything was pointless.
And the second one was to pretend we didn’t know the first part.

Truth be told, I don’t know how to pretend.

So, I need a new knowledge, a new belief, a new value that will make me happy again; because I have lost faith in the old ones.

Must I decide my own NEW values (as implied by Nietzsche)? Must I determine my own subjective truth (as was told by Kierkegaard)?
The problem is, both men who suggested this already had their own values. They were just having a hard time because their values differed greatly with the accepted values at the time. That’s why they came up with what they said.
And as for me, I have no values of my own. I simply have nothing to believe. To force myself creating one and believing in it would just be, well, FAKE. I wouldn’t buy it for a second.

I still believe there’s something to believe out there; something that will get me fired up again, something to fight for with passion.
I know so because there are people who have found it.

I guess If I had the chance to meet Jesus, I would ask Him one question.
“What is it?”
As in, “What is it that you found that made you so content, you didn't even curse a single word while going through the worst execution on earth?”

I just want to believe in something again.