Definitely Not Superhuman Anymore

I have a very very excruciating pain right now. From a trauma I had recently.

Wait a minute,
it’s not recent at all!
It was eight months ago. It was December 08!
How the hell have I not forgotten anything about it?! I hate myself for being so weak.

Actually I was rather fine for the last five months. I mourned for three months, and got my life back for five months.
But then, out of the blue, without any glimpse of sign, I woke up and found it lying next to me.
God, will this torment end?

For all the wise guys out there, let me tell you something.
I know about all the healing crap theories.

The only reason the pain comes back is because you want it. Deep inside you love to be tormented, tortured. You love to be in pain. You invite the memories.
Fuck!
I DON’T WANT IT TO COME BACK!! Who’s in the right mind would want something like that?! Okay, I know that some people do. But not me! I never invite the memories to come in. They just break their way in. How can I control something that comes without my consent?! That’s nuts. And believe me I’ve tried every single way to get off of them. But they always find a way. If they can’t do it in my consciousness, they do it when I’m unconscious. Nightmares, nightmares all the time.

Happiness is a choice. You have the freedom to be happy, despite everything.
Maybe. But it’s exhausting to be happy based on solely because you choose it for the last eight months, okay?! Can’t happiness just come? Must I always choose it? Can’t my urges be happy thoughts so I don’t have to dismiss them all the time?

Embrace it
This is the best advice I’ve had. Every time choosing happiness fails, I always try to embrace. But sometimes it makes me sick. Sick because I can’t see any way out of this mess. Sick because I feel no hope for getting out. Sick because I’m tired.

So I said to God,
I know this is wrong God, but can’t You do a tiny bitsy thing and SMITE THAT BITCH A BIT?!!!
She’s damn happy with her lying-backstabbing-angelic-devilish-disgusting face. She’s got all her friends, she’s got all her lies that keep her popular while render me the bad fucking guy, she’s got all the support she needs. She wouldn't even admit our relationship. Fuck this!

Can’t You do some justice?!
I hate her. I hate what she puts on me. I hate that she’s happy.
God, I hate everything right now.

So much for a stable man. So much for being superhuman for five months.
Crumbled to pieces. Back to square one.

PS: for all you twirks who are always so judgmental when someone tells his/her story to you, well you can go to hell. The last thing they need is your arrogant judgment.

Not Superhuman (Anymore)

My girl went completely gone for 7 days, blew my adrenaline levels to the roof for the sake of finding her. And she turned up on the 7th day, all happy, fine, and in a relationship with someone else.
I hate her ever since.

Hmh... Nope.

My girl left me for another man she claimed she hated. I wonder how much had she lied to me then?
Well, I hate her ever since.

Hmh... Nope.

I hate her after a series of me forgiving her to be screwed up again the very same day.

Hmh... Nope.

I hate her after finally when I tried to forgive her for a 100th time, she just said that she didn’t want to talk to me anymore.

Yep. That’s it.

For all the fuckups she had done, couldn’t she cope with my way?! Why do I have to follow her way?

Fuck her.

Anything, Any Damn Thing

It just came to me that I can write anything here.

I always think a lot before I write something down.

Well not anymore.

Coz in the end, blog is crap right?

And that’s what I will do.

I’ll write my crap.

Where else to put it?

No one’s gonna read this anyway.

Bad Religion, Good Religion -in terms of comfort and authenticity-

A bad religion has answers for every important question in your life, even if the answers are forced and doubtful. You will know for sure what to do to skip hell. You will feel safe and secured; you’re not tortured with confusion, a feeling of being lost, and a feeling of not knowing.

A good religion doesn’t answer your questions, because it simply has no answers for them. It promotes reflection, creates a seeker, a searcher. It makes you feel alone, lost, and bleak. Because you don’t know what to do, you may not even know who God is. It keeps you constantly moving, searching for the real God, a new sight that changes you forever.

Finally, you will have to choose, comfort or authenticity?

A Journey and a Car

Sometimes I think religion is like a car, and salvation, enlightenment, or whatever you want to call it is somewhere you want to go using that car.
• A car doesn’t do much good if it doesn’t take you to your destination, but people seem to be fulfilled and happy just being inside one, even if it doesn’t move at all.
• The car is never the destination, just being inside doesn’t mean anything. It’s the journey that matters.
• Therefore, a good car is so uncomfortable that you never forget your destination.
• A bad car on the other hand is so cozy that you don’t even remember to drive.
• You can even abandon your car, and sometimes if it holds you back, you should.
• Humanist atheists don’t use cars, they ride motorcycles. Hey, as long as they’re moving ahead right?

Introduction

People who are close to me know how much I fear and despise religion. To me, religion is one of those ugly overblown things. I really don’t know where to start when it comes to talking about why I think religion is prone to stupidity, mistakes, hatred, and violence. That is why it is so hard to break it down to pieces, let alone communicating it.

So, this is what I come up with. I will write a series about it which will be labeled "religion". They will not necessarily be organized, they can come in short stories or long and dull explanation, they may even overlap, talking about the same thing.

Nevertheless, hopefully they will help me sort things out, place them in an organized structure, and find me new ones.

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