Saturday, December 19, 2009

A Heart for Luna Maya, A Finger for Infotainment Reporters

Since my last attempt to write a satire about the-whole-Luna-Maya-thing went haywire, I will now write in plain language.
First, my stand point.
1.    I think anything related to gossipy infotainment shows should go to mm... somewhere (I'm not allowed to say the H word, ssh...).
2.    Oh, and the rest of the celebrities who didn’t stand up for her could go with them too.
After we’re clear about that, now let’s get down to business.

***

Infotainment reporter – what kind of a job is that anyway?
Well, infotainment reporters are people who make a living by reporting the same thing all the time. Gossip.
Yep, all those information about someone famous’ private life that the public doesn’t need to know.

Sometimes it’s hard for me to even call them REAL reporters.
You know, the ones that give REAL news.
Compare these headlines,

“Cici is finally a Divorcee!” and “The Climate Conference Comes Out a No-Brainer”.

How someone could consider the first one to be some kind of news bewilders me.
That’s why I don’t think they have the same privilege the other kinds of reporters have.

For instance, they don’t get to say, “The public needs to know!”
I’m saying this because infotainment reporters sometimes use these magic words to justify their violent means to create their stories.
Well, my comment is, “Really?”
Does the public need to know if Caca is finally in a relationship, or if Cucu did have a break-up?
The public needs to know things that CONCERN them only.
Issues about humanity, war, economics, politics, the environment, and many other things are for the public to concern.
I don’t think someone’s private matters are among those issues.
So please don’t say because the public needs to know. It proves how a bunch of idiots you really are.
It’s basically like raping girls you like because “if you have a dream, you have to reach it no matter what”.
Don’t blow it out of context.

I also don’t like how infotainment reporters say that the celebrities get their success solely because of them.
I don’t know, but I always think that their OWN work also counts for their success.
It's just the natural process: they work their asses off, people like to see them so they want to see them more, their demands increasing, and so on.
Sure, publicity helps, but it’s far from “a sole cause to their success” like some idiot infotainment show hosts claim.
And it bugs me more when they say it like it is some form of a selfless act.
“It seems that Luna Maya has forgotten the reason she was so successful. Without the effort of the infotainment reporters, there won’t even be..,” and so on.
For God’s sake, infotainment reporters only do it because it will earn them their living! Besides, it's not like they always say good things about celebrities they cover.
It’s definitely not at all a selfless act. It's parasitic. They only publish celebrities that already gain some popularity on their own. I mean, will they publish me? Of course not. Who would want to read or watch something about me?
They are leeches, sucking the blood of celebrities.
Hm..
Come again, they are far worse than that. At least leeches do not think they are doing a selfless favor for their host.

To have the media controlled by this idiotic people has made me lost my hope to Man.
An uneducated community, sadly to say, just like what we have here in Indonesia, will certainly eat something like this up and let the media decide what to think and believe.
It’s a new form of fascism,
that is run by idiots.
God, can there be worse things?

And one other thing, the fact that the other celebrities fail to stand up for Luna Maya for God knows what reason (ass kissing? cowardice?) has started to taken its toll through these events:
-    Some infotainment reporters felt UNDERMINED recently because of the habit of a singer, Ello, who always ditched his show the second it was over, depriving the interviews infotainment reporters hope for. They didn’t just say their feelings out loud, they even threw away Ello’s pre-given CDs in an act of protest.
-    The emergence of some stupid comments by infotainment reporters like,
o    “It’s the risk of being a celebrity, live with it.” (Yeah, I agree. But I don’t think it liberates them to do just about ANYTHING to get their stories)
o    or countless other derogatory remarks aimed to Luna Maya that are very out of place, unfair, and plainly evil (such as the one that accuses her of faking her motherly reaction to Ariel’s daughter just to win the heart of his father)

Who do they think they are anyway?

Friday, December 18, 2009

- removed by author -

This post has been removed due to the author's apparent inability to express his true opinion and intention, resulting in misunderstanding and damages unforeseeable.

In short, this post was a metaphor taken much too literally, a fail attempt of writing a comedic satire.

In shorter, this post was an example of irony not understood.

In shortest, this post was a fuck up.

I'll try to do better the next time I write about satires so people won't get me wrong.

I truly apologize for everyone wrongly offended.

PS: I've always hated and will always hate those pesky gossip reporters. Gossip reporter is a kind of profession which sucks on the wounds of others to earn money. No better than a leech, and certainly deserves everything Luna Maya has said about it.
All my heart goes to Luna Maya and Mieke Amalia.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Screwed Up English Test

Just had an English proficiency test from LIA.
I can't believe how hard the listening part is.
It was filled with problems like this.

Man: How about our plan for Saturday?
Woman: The weather report says it will be rainy on Saturday, but Sunday will be sunny.

QUESTION: what is the woman saying?
a. [can't remember]
b. Sunday will be sunny
c. They have to postpone their plan until Sunday
d. [can't remember]

What the f***?!!! Which one should I pick?!!!

UPDATE
It's 611 and 84 for speaking! Thank God for the structure part!

UPDATE
It's 652 and 87.
I had some sleep.

The Reason I Usually Prefer Western Songs

Here are some lyrics from a western and a local song.
I hope it explains everything.

How to Avoid Being Called a Nutcase

I’ve just undergone a psychology test a couple of days ago for my neurology application.
Needless to say, the test went haywire.
In the end, the psychologist seemed to think that I had some mental defects.

Anyway, here are some don’ts to get you through such test safely.
  • When asked to draw something out of a dot, don’t draw the solar system.
  • When asked to draw something out of a square, don’t draw a giant hot air balloon flying through the fields AND entitle it ‘an adventure of exploration’.
  • When asked to draw something out of a cup, don’t draw a giant telescope directed to the skies with a man underneath AND entitle it ‘peeking through the giant telescope’.
  • When asked to draw something out of two connected lines, don’t draw a gigantic machine with its thruster glowing towards you AND entitle it ‘behind an ion engine’.
  • When asked to draw something out of two parallel lines, don’t draw a staircase with a winged man on top, facing the clouds, ready to jump, AND entitle it ‘on the brink of enlightenment’.
  • When asked to draw something out of a curve, don’t draw the earth with a figure standing behind it, trying to embrace it, AND entitle it ‘God is watching’.
  • When asked ‘must good people who do nothing but good things receive good things also?’, don’t answer ‘yes, although I won’t be surprised if they don’t’.
  • When asked why we have to keep our promises, don’t answer ‘because in this already uncertain world, the last thing we need is another uncertain thing’.
  • When asked why we have to respect our parents and teachers, don’t answer ‘because they know better’.
If you choose to do all the above anyway, expect to have a follow-up interview filled with questions such as ‘what do you think of rationalization?’, ‘how’s your relationship with God?’, ‘what things in this life that you consider relevant?’, ‘do your parents let you think freely?’ INSTEAD OF normal questions like ‘have you worked before?’, ‘what kind of job do you like?’ that everyone but me got.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

A Hand from God

Dracula

Picture Description
I made it based on a scene from Bram Stoker's Dracula.

I consider Dracula as a symbol of a human tragedy.

He was a man of God until HE gave him a trial beyond his strength (his wife was murdered while he was, ironically, away fighting for HIM in the crusade).
He was mad at HIM, and fell to the dark side for hundreds of years.
God did nothing and let him go.
When he was finally severely wounded by God's men, he wept looking back at his life. He had always been devoted to God, but HE let his wife murdered and left him when he needed HIM the most.
His dying words were,
"Where is my God? HE has forsaken me. It is finished."
In the end, however, God showed HIS grace. HE stretched HIS hand, reached him, and gave him the peace he had been longing for (characterized by a transformation of his devilish face into his former face as man of God).

Sunday, October 11, 2009

O Come Ye Miyabi

The famous (or infamous?) Japanese AV Idol is planning to shoot a film in Indonesia, in which script is written by Raditya Dika, creator of the hilarious Kambing Jantan.

As expected, a serious amount of rejection from various community classes arise.

A massive protest of around 200 FPI members was even held in front of the production house.
They went as far as saying that they were prepared to die to prevent her coming.

Prepared to die...
Mm...

Anyway,
The question is why?
There are three reasons I’ve got so far from news coverage.
It just doesn’t feel right.
No comment on this one.
Indonesia has enough sins already, her coming will only result in God’s wrath in form of disasters.
Also no comment.
It is feared her reputation as a (or THE) porn star would corrupt the country’s moral values.
Tell me if I’m wrong, but aren’t you guys about 4 years and 62 titles late?
Her freaking videos is well around Indonesia, sitting nicely in almost every hard disk you can find.

I think we all forget the main issue here.

The issue isn’t whether what she’s done is right or wrong.

The issue isn't "Is pornography bad?".

The issue is she plans to come here to shoot a comedy.
It’s not illegal.

The whole thing about her coming is not the right place for your battle for moral values.
You can try stopping her videos from spreading, but you can’t prevent her to shoot a decent film.
Don’t get everything mixed up.
I wouldn't.
And sure as hell I wouldn't die for a mix up also.