"You know your god is man-made when he hates all the same people you do."

A Long and Dull Explanation about My Most Hated Subject

It’s love.
Okay, move along.
You can still get out from this before I start.

For the ones who are still with me…
I’ve warned you.

Love (by this I mean the man-woman love)…
The subject I hate the most because mostly people talk about it in a cheesy way.

Being a mostly nihilistic person, I have deconstructed most of the ideals I took for granted.
I have unmasked them, shown them to be nothing at all.
I have seen that they have no values of their own, other than the values that we give.
One of them is, of course, MAN-WOMAN LOVE.

How do I define it?
I define it, simply, as friendship with the benefit of sex.
Sometimes it's even worse. It is a DEAL for treating each other nicely.
There’s all there is to it.
The rest is pure idealization.

All you have to do is simple.

• Find a person you like to be with
• Make sure that the person’s physical attributes are acceptable by your (sexual) standards
• Sign a DEAL with her/him to be each other’s exclusive friend

That’s it.
After that, you just have to idealize the person, put some romantic projections on her/him; and remember to put her/him in a significant place in your life, so that you will become dependent on her/his constant presence.
Just make a memory, drama, or anything.

Voila, you just find yourself an attachment.


NOW, what I really want to say.

• I still find it to be a great sensation.
• I still appreciate it.
• I still see a lot of good things coming out of it.
• I still cherish it.
• I still want it.

But as you can see from my explanation above, I will not accept overrated beliefs about it.

• I don’t believe in love at first sight.

AND

• I don’t believe in unconditional man-woman love.

OR

• other kinds of similar exaggerations.

I know it sounds bad, but let me try to explain by case examples.

Case A
Mr. Bond loves his girl so much. But he can’t be with her because if he does, she won’t live. His enemies will go after her.
So he leaves her. His love for her is much greater than his desire to be with her. He sacrifices himself in order to save her. He feels pain, but it is fine for him.

Is his love unconditional love? After all, he expects nothing in return.

The answer is NO.
He doesn’t have ANY choice. If things were different, he certainly would be with her. His love is no different than anyone’s. He STILL hopes for something in return. It’s just his circumstances won’t allow it.

Case B
Mr. Ogre is ugly. He loves a girl, but the girl doesn’t love him back.
So he just wants happiness for the girl; even when she is in other’s arms.

Is his love unconditional love?

The answer is NO.
The reason is the same. He’s got NO choice. And maybe, he also gains pleasure from the pain it brings.

Case C
Mr. Drama loves a woman. But he leaves her because he thinks she’s better off without him. He always complains about the pain he has, but he trusts it’s for the better.

Is his love unconditional love?

Same answer.
Same reason, especially the ‘seeking pain for pleasure’ part.

Case D
Ms. Soft loves his husband. She gives him a lot but expects a lot in return. The husband only gives a little and expects a little also.

Is Ms. Soft’s love worse than her husband’s?

NO.
It’s just different. She was raised in a family that gives and receives a lot, while her husband wasn’t. Her love isn’t worse. She just has a different way of handling it.

Some people would claim it to be worse. They would say that she had no unconditional love, because she expected something in return.

I say, what do you expect? Isn’t it normal to expect something? Isn’t it man-woman love is all about?
Man-woman love is all reciprocal, back and forth. It’s about wanting and being wanted, giving and being given, desiring and being desired. It’s so sexual.

Unconditional love is just IRRELEVANT in man-woman love. It may be a Godly love, friendly love, or anything; but it certainly isn’t a man-woman love. It’s always been a DEAL, remember? A TWO-WAY thing.

And one other thing,
I don’t believe there are rules in man-woman love. There isn’t any guide about what can be done and what can’t.
Any guide found is simply taken from friendship guide or business guide.
A few examples:

• A cheater isn’t guilty of love; he/she is guilty of manipulation, backstabbing, deliberately hurting, breaking a deal, or something like that.
• And so do people who forget anniversaries. Their guilt is not against love; their guilt is simply because they break the deal (if pampering your partner is included in it, like most do).

Don’t get me wrong. I still think the whole man-woman love as a GREAT thing.
But, I don’t think it needs to be exaggerated.
It’s all these exaggerations and idealizations that produce so many problems around it.

PS: damn it, it's so hard to write about this non-ending frustrating subject. I hope I've made myself clear.

UPDATE
Since so many people have got me wrong, I will say this.
Contrary to popular belief, I think man-woman love IS great! In fact, it is so great, it doesn't have to be unconditional to be considered great.
The greatness doesn't lie in its unconditional property (which is non-existent by the way), but in its sexuality (two people wanting each other completely - please don't get me wrong again).
There. I've made my point.

Just for Me: a Revelation

If the baker thinks the bread is shit,
then it certainly is.
So why do you bother eating it?
Just dump it.
It's shit!
O dear Lord...
It's shit!

Not Much for a Copycat

I am not a bad forger. I can copy signatures quite well; especially when I’m most relaxed.
It’s proven to be useful several times for me and my friends, in college and after.

So it’s bewildering for me to suck at it in when it mattered the most; especially when the signature I had to do was my OWN.

I got my passport today, and there were two things that needed to be signed.
One was a form, and the other one was the passport itself.

I decided to sign the form first.

Guess what happened? I choked in the middle.
I couldn’t remember how to finish my own signature.
Damn.
So I just held my breath and wrote the last half quickly, hoping that it would remind me.

But it didn’t.

There written on my form, a signature I didn’t even recognize.

It couldn’t be changed. So I went on to the passport.

I took a deep breath this time, trying to relax. It was my last chance to do right.
Then with a strong and confident stroke, I signed the passport.
The result was a beautiful signature, strong, and clear…
And it looked just like the one I had in my form…

What the hell? I said to myself.
I’ve heard about people making mistakes in signing their names, but I’ve never heard about someone making two perfectly identical errors.

On one hand, or should I say the good side, it’s convincing; since I’ve got two identical signatures.
But, why the hell would I need to be convincing? It’s my own signature!
I don’t know.
I don’t have to change my signature to resemble them from now on right?

Keep Your Pimp Hand Strong!

Read some neurology will ya!

Profile: Antareja, the Deadliest

Antareja

Antareja was the son of Bima (second brother of Pandawa) and Nagagini (daughter of the snake god).

Being the grandson of the snake god, Antareja was born with scales all over his body that rendered him immune to all weapons. He couldn’t be killed as long as he touched the ground. He could also revive the dead, defying the person’s decided fate.

His most popular and deadliest ability, however, came from his tongue. He was so venomous that he could kill someone just by licking his/her footstep, without ever had to make direct contact with the person’s body at all.

He was truthful, reserved, loyal, willing to sacrifice himself, and devoted to the Gods.

But all of those noble characteristics were not enough.

Kresna, a reincarnation of the God Wisnu, thought that his existence could tip the frail balance between Pandawa (good) and Kurawa (evil). His participation in Bharatayuda would have meant a quick end to the war, depriving it from its glory, original purpose, and destroyed the fragile storylines for every character which had been meticulously woven by the Gods.

His doom was a must before Bharatayuda could start.

So Kresna came to him and had him killed by telling him to lick his own footstep.

Antareja was dead simply because he was too powerful.
But it ensured Bharatayuda and all the glory that came with it.

A Fallen (for) Angel

Last night I phoned my best friend.
At one time the talk was about my love history.
In general it’s quite normal, except for that one time with a girl named Angel.
I never knew her actually. I just found out her Friendster page on the internet and decided to message her.

Well, maybe I won’t disclose everything in detail about it; but, let me just put it like this.
My pursuing her through Friendster messages has left me with these facts.

• One message makes you a normal person.
• Three messages make you a little misguided.
• Six messages make you a complete loser.
• Nine messages make you a borderline criminal.

• And anything involving coming around several times to her work place just to see her without even saying hello definitely makes you a stalker; regardless of how many messages you send; and especially if you send a lot.

My best friend just loves to bring that up. And it’s actually pretty funny once you’ve got through it.

Anyway, I heard that she’s single again, so my best friend suggested that I go after her once more.
“You’ve got nothing to lose anyway,” she said. “You’re at the bottom of the pit. There’s no way she can hate you more than she already has.”
“Maybe,” I said. “But haven’t you heard about jail?”
“O yeah,” she replied. “I didn’t think of that.”
She paused a bit.
“But one message wouldn’t hurt,” she finally said.

Hm…

PS: I swear to you this is not how I usually behave.