In the light of Fifty Shades of Grey movie coming out, I had a talk about sadomasochism with a girl-friend. She had a thing with sadomasochism videos and I wanted to know what the practice truly meant, at least for her. The only thing I knew at the time was that it meant a love for inflicting/receiving pain in a sexual activity. However, what she revealed next got me thinking.
When I first asked her, she said that most people would imagine leather binding, whips, or melting candles when someone says the word, but actually it wasn’t about it. For her, sadism was about rendering a sexual partner to a flaccid, helpless, overwhelmed state; and consequently, masochism was about being rendered to a flaccid, helpless, overwhelmed state sexually. It was not about the love for pain, although it certainly helped. ‘Overwhelming’ was the keyword.
I happened to know that she had lived by herself, away from her parents, since a very young age, so I couldn’t help to put it into the new perspective. Do abandonment issues provide the grounds for sadomasochism? She was this lonely girl who thrived in the center of attention and certainly strived for it. Her daily dosage for it was unusually huge. Perhaps the brutality shown in the videos was actually for her an act of powerful love.
For most of the time, she pictured herself at the receiving end and it further boldened my assumption. What greater way of showing love than a touch, and what greater touch than a punch? I have surely never put my hands on any of my ex-es, but I can imagine that kind of burning, self-consuming love; a love that is so enormous and fiery that your fists are clenched. In a way, it is like a bombardment of affection. The sadist is pouring his intense affection to you and makes sure that you feel every... little... fragment of it. So perhaps, masochism is about being loved so hard that you have to fall on your knees and beg for it to stop; and sadism is about overwhelming someone in such a way.
However, she wasn't sure. All she knew was that she enjoyed it.
It was an anticlimax.
Unconfirmed, I still think a lot about my assumption anyway. “Love me whole-heartedly,” I think a masochist would say. “Love me with all your strength and power.” Love is painful, they say. Perhaps in this sense it can be taken literally.
When I first asked her, she said that most people would imagine leather binding, whips, or melting candles when someone says the word, but actually it wasn’t about it. For her, sadism was about rendering a sexual partner to a flaccid, helpless, overwhelmed state; and consequently, masochism was about being rendered to a flaccid, helpless, overwhelmed state sexually. It was not about the love for pain, although it certainly helped. ‘Overwhelming’ was the keyword.
I happened to know that she had lived by herself, away from her parents, since a very young age, so I couldn’t help to put it into the new perspective. Do abandonment issues provide the grounds for sadomasochism? She was this lonely girl who thrived in the center of attention and certainly strived for it. Her daily dosage for it was unusually huge. Perhaps the brutality shown in the videos was actually for her an act of powerful love.
For most of the time, she pictured herself at the receiving end and it further boldened my assumption. What greater way of showing love than a touch, and what greater touch than a punch? I have surely never put my hands on any of my ex-es, but I can imagine that kind of burning, self-consuming love; a love that is so enormous and fiery that your fists are clenched. In a way, it is like a bombardment of affection. The sadist is pouring his intense affection to you and makes sure that you feel every... little... fragment of it. So perhaps, masochism is about being loved so hard that you have to fall on your knees and beg for it to stop; and sadism is about overwhelming someone in such a way.
However, she wasn't sure. All she knew was that she enjoyed it.
It was an anticlimax.
Unconfirmed, I still think a lot about my assumption anyway. “Love me whole-heartedly,” I think a masochist would say. “Love me with all your strength and power.” Love is painful, they say. Perhaps in this sense it can be taken literally.
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