Seeing in Retrospect and Saying, "Aw Dude..."

I found a journal I had completely forgotten writing a few days ago. It's only got five entries, so no wonder I couldn't remember.

It doesn't change the fact that I was very happy when I found it, however, because I don't keep notes about events of my life very often (even this blog mostly consists of articles, not private writings). So finding it is like having a second chance to relive a particular moment. I mean, you can imagine how much connection you can have by reading your own writing if in daily basis you already relate to writings of people you don't even know.

Anyway, I'm not going to post the five entries here, just two... Well, one and a half, because one is just the cover. The entry was written on August 31st, 2008. To give it some context: I just graduated from med school, didn't have a clue about what to do in life, and it was a day before I went on a road trip with my best friends. There were supposed to be eight of us, but one female friend, that I cared very much, cancelled at the last minute. Her mother and boyfriend at the time told her not to go.

It shouldn't have been a very special case to me. Sure, it's upsetting but people cancel all the time, right? The only problem was, then, I was so engulfed with her situation. She hated her boyfriend, while her strict mother worshiped him. Obviously, I responded the way an unstable man in his mid-twenties would. I acted like a passionate hero.

Clearly, this ended up with a disaster, a whole year of it as a matter of fact. However, it also spawned a lot of good other things. What happened next was one of the reasons I started this blog, although the aftershocks, which were definitely not smaller in scale, hit me so hard that I left it for a good four months in 2009.

All in all, the journal gave me back a piece of memory I didn't know I still had, about a moment right before a great fall. And now, looking back from the safe and understanding future, I just can't stop saying to myself, "Aw Dude... You don't know what's coming to you."

Damn, I was off back then. :)

Slapsgiving: an Interesting Sunday Mass Sermon

Matthew 5:38-48 (New International Version)

Eye for Eye

38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ 39 But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. 40 And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. 41 If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. 42 Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

Love for Enemies

43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

This is a long overdue post, based on a sermon I heard weeks ago.
But in my opinion, it is still worth to write.

The priest opened the sermon by referring to the latest headline at the time, the occurrence of some religious persecutions in Indonesia. He said that it was hard to be a part of the minorities in this country, especially considering how powerless the government was against groups of religious fanatics who were free to roam and wreak havoc in the country, all in the name of a loving God.

“So based on the passage, what should we do?” he asked.

All Lovey Dovey in Hastily Speedily

A week ago, I was having a discussion with some friends about the act of marriage when two questions came up.

What is your take in love (as in the romantic one)?
and
Does it exist?

This is what I came up.

Years ago, I believed everything about it, even its divine attribute, like ‘your soul mate is set in the heavens’.

Some time after that, I didn’t believe anything about it anymore. To me, it is no more than our biological tendency as sexual beings that because of our developed minds receives new values, such as friendship, devotion, monogamy, or even an unconditional state (just having the words biological and unconditional in one sentence alone does feel a bit odd, doesn’t it?).
That’s why I think love is almost impossible to define, because for the most part it’s filled with make-beliefs that are, of course, subjects of subjectivity.
So, does love exist objectively? Of course not.

But lately, I’ve begun to warm up to it again. My understanding hasn’t changed (I still believe that it’s a hyped up biological tendency), but my reaction towards it is not as harsh and more hopeful.
Does it exist, objectively? My answer is still no.
But does the fact that it exists mostly subjectively mean nothing at all? My answer is definitely hell no.
Now I say, if you believe in it, it exists, and if you don’t, it doesn’t.
The make-beliefs that I didn’t put into consideration before are now playing an important role.
Because if I believe in something, don't my views, my actions, and my whole entirety change according to it?
And if the effects are real, is it still easy to say that what I believe in doesn’t exist?
Perhaps that's the whole point about love. Its reality lies in the way we live the idea.

So consequently:

• I don’t think there’s a universal truth about this kind of love. No rules and no guidelines, like ‘if he does this then he doesn’t love you unconditionally’, or other mumbo jumbos.
• Love is much much more personal than I thought, and that’s why I think it is important to find someone who has the same belief about what it is.
• The thought shows me how our ability to create our own reality is amazingly vast, which is also the subject of some schools of thought, such as idealism and Buddhism.

And on a more personal note, well, now I get to love again.

The Man Who Is My Father

If there’s one thing I like about growing up, it’s that I get to know my parents better.

As years of my life flip like a torn up calendar, I begin to take a lot of things in the way I see my parents. It almost seems that every now and then I have a chance to do these completely new close-up shots of them that I didn’t even know before. They started out as Mom and Dad, figures of authority who brought me to this reality, but ended up as a dude and a girl who happen to be my parents.

I quite enjoy it.

I don’t know exactly how it happens. Maybe it’s because as I get older, my life and my parents’ start to mirror each other (you’ve got less change when you’re older, right?). But one thing for sure, it always keeps me nailed in place every time I find their old photographs or hear some revealing stories about them, which are curiously always come from someone else.

Blackberry: Gallivanting towards Collective Awareness?

For the past week, I’ve been using the friggin’ device. Apparently my old cellphone couldn’t stand being submerged underwater (along with the handler as a matter of a fact) for a good 15 seconds.

Anyhoo, I wasn’t exactly ecstatic of using it. And the reason was simple. It was too much of a cost for something I wasn’t sure of needing. And of course, there’s also that thing about my obsessive-compulsive tendency which would surely give me a pain in the ass if I ever tried to build a whole new set of meticulously detailed contact list,
which
only a smart phone can give.
Hoh…

Nevertheless…
Here I am now, BBMing (if there is such a term) my fingers off. I haven’t got any problem with my contact list also (since I strategically haven’t started building it).

The Path to Redemption Starts Yesterday... Or Much Earlier

I'm starting to build my life with true blocks of medicine again, I guess.
I just hope the beauty of ideas doesn't elude me.

Have always been stuck within the two worlds anyway, so why not just have fun with it?
An MD and a jack of all idea-trades.
Kekeke...

Freedom

[this is not a note about determinism]

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony this life

Trying to make ends meet, you're a slave to the money then you die

I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down

You know the one that takes you to the places where all the veins meet, yeah

No change, I can't change, I can't change, I can't change,

but I'm here in my mold , I am here in my mold

But I'm a million different people from one day to the next

I can't change my mold, no, no, no, no, no

- The Verve - Bitter Sweet Symphony

Only 600 miles to the south, there's a vast city. And here you find civilized man. Civilized man refused to adapt himself to his environment; instead, he adapted his environment to suit him. So he built cities, roads, vehicles, machinery, and he put up power lines to run his labor-saving devices. But somehow he didn't know where to stop. The more he improved his surroundings to make life easier, the more complicated he made it. So now his children are sentenced to 10-15 years of school, just to learn how to survive in this complex and hazardous habitat they were born into. And civilized man, who refused to adapt to his surroundings, now finds he has to adapt and re-adapt every hour of the day to his self-created environment. For instance, if it's Monday and 7:30 comes up, you have to dis-adapt from your domestic surroundings and re-adapt yourself to an entirely different environment. 8:00 means everybody has to look busy. 10:30 means you can stop looking busy for 15 minutes. And then you have to look busy again. And so your day is chopped into pieces, and in each segment of time you adapt to a new set circumstances. No wonder some people go off the rails a bit...

- The Gods Must Be Crazy

The things Man does in life: being born, spending 30 years or so preparing to live in Man’s own construct, spending another 30 years or so establishing life in that construct, and finally spending the years left remembering the past and preparing for his demise.

Faced with such a revelation, it is only appropriate if Man asks this question,