Sit and Pray

I was not in a good mood today. My problems got ahead of me. Well, one particular problem got ahead of me.

And in this kind of days I'm thankful for my friends. For they are always there for me, saying the right words, reminding me of anything I've taken for granted, telling me that everything will turn out fine.

One thing did stick out though.
One of them told me to pray.

The words were so powerful that it got me silenced. I actually remembered the last time I prayed, really prayed. It was about a month ago. But the point is that I didn't pray as many as I should. All this time I've been counting on my strengths, trying to fight with all that is happening. I never got to pray and let it go. I never got to embrace it and thank God for it, how horrible it was.

So today, for the first time in a long time, I sit and pray.

Encounter in a Night, Ghastly

Most people who have a dog know that dogs have different voices for different situations. They don't just bark, they growl, howl, whine, and do other noises. They are all fine, except for one kind of noise which frightens me. It's the sound they make when somebody nearby dies. It's that part whining, part howling, with a bit of a crying sound.

I remember when my dog made that sound. I was on my mattress, trying to sleep when he started to do it (I sleep on the floor, right next to my living room). One of my neighbors had just died, so I figured that that had to be the cause. I didn't give it much attention because he was standing by the window, starring outside, while I was safe inside my house.
So I closed my eyes again until I realized I wasn't alone anymore. A warm presence was there beside me.
I opened my eyes. My dog was standing next to me, starring at my living room. He was breathing fast. And then he started to do the noise.
I could feel my heart beating. Whatever he saw was in my living room. For God knows what reason, I lied perfectly still, deliberately not moving any parts of my body. Perhaps I believed my action would fool that thing into thinking that I was asleep.
I couldn't remember how long I stayed awake. But in the end, I did fall asleep.

Now, sometimes I still hear my dog make that sound. But at least he always stares outside when he does it, which is of course a very welcomed feat.

Love Songs and a "B"

I guess you never really know just how many love songs have been made until you're not in the mood to hear one.

Such thing had been made clear to me about a month ago.

While browsing on my PC, I turned on my winamp to kill the silence.
A song was played. It was a love song, so I pressed B (Next Track).
Another love song was played, so I pressed B again.
What would you know, another one was played.
"Aaargh," I said as I pressed another B.
Before I knew it, all I did was pressing B B B and more Bs.
After a few more unsuccessful attempts and a couple bad words, I stopped my effort.

Geez, I wish there had been more songs unrelated to love. A soul searching theme would be nice, as well as friendship, family, or even odd themes that don't offer any kind of insight.

Well, now that I am better I can safely hear love songs. Not the local ones though. Most of them are so whiny, they still hurt my ears. They will have to wait a little more. :)

Embracing Your Deep Shit

"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian."

- Dennis Wholey

If I learn anything from the past 4 months, it will be that life is full of shit.
A classic-well known phrase, I know. But to experience is far different than just knowing.

I was taught to believe that every good deed will come out good, every good person will have a good life. And they're not just coming from my parents, but also from books and movies. The good guys always win. That's the way it is.

Sadly, life isn't always that kind. Sometimes good deeds just turn around and bite you in the ass. Good guys don't necessarily have good life. Sometimes life just loves the bad guys.
This thought-reality gap wonders people. Some blame the devil, some take it as simply God's plan, some even blame karma from their past lives.

I used to trust those things too. Now, I just believe that life is just full of shit. No explanation, no divine plan. Just that. Life is full of shit. The sooner I accept it, the better I get.
I don't mean this in a negative way. On the contrary, I believe that once I accept things, I will see everything in a positive way.
I can always be mad about the bad things in my life, thinking everything will change. I'd still be bothered but hey, I've got hope.
Or, I could try to accept them. Therefore I'd still be happy even when things stay that way.
Just like a zen priest used to say, "What you really have to do is sit, watch the shit, and be fine," or something like that.

Good as words may be, they always sound ridiculous when you're in a deep shit yourself. Having said that, I just hope I could live up to this crap I wrote.