Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Semen Battle Royale

No, it’s not some gay porn title.
If you look below, you’ll actually see that this post is labeled culture.
This post is about how to settle scores.

As a teenager, I loved Egyptian mythologies, especially the battles between two gods, Horus and Set.
They fought because Horus wanted to claim control over all Egypt...
And also because Set killed Horus’ father and fed his penis to the fish (wow, talk about repressed anger).
Eventually, through brawl and wit, Horus finally won against the evil Set and rule Egypt.

It was a nice story,
until I found just exactly how he won.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Just for Me: A Reminder

I refuse to become the thing I hate the most.

I refuse to deliberately hurt people with my own uncertainty.

I refuse to become a monster.

To those of you who know what I mean,
I am truly sorry.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Aw… The Irony (a note about Gus Dur and St. Albertus church)

Gus Dur’s death on December 30th 2009 raised much of public appraisal frenzy. Everyone just went on and on about how he had been such a devoted pluralist, naming him The Father of Pluralism, and even went as far as campaigning him for national hero and December 30th for pluralism day.

All of this people-suddenly-get-interested-in-pluralism never seized to amaze me.

WOW.

I didn’t know you all considered pluralism to be a good thing.
I didn’t know you loved pluralism so much.
Hell, I thought you condemned it, thinking it as a bane in a utopia society you’ve always dreamed of.

Besides, a church in Bekasi was burned down on December 15th and you just forgot about it, right?
It's just not worthy enough to address, right?
So I guess it’s “let us all devote ourselves to pluralism but neglect burning down a church an issue”, right?

And to have it just for wacky reasons such as "the statue of Mary was so big, the taste of Christianity was considered too much to handle" is just overwhelming...
It's a church! What did you expect to be inside, a big statue of SpongeBob?
Surely, you can't keep silent about this!!

Pluralism my ass, please stop desecrating the memory of God-bless-him-renaissance-man-Gus-Dur with your mumbo jumbo.
Besides, he wouldn't be a hero if you all loved pluralism just as he did.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

A Heart for Luna Maya, A Finger for Infotainment Reporters

Since my last attempt to write a satire about the-whole-Luna-Maya-thing went haywire, I will now write in plain language.
First, my stand point.
1.    I think anything related to gossipy infotainment shows should go to mm... somewhere (I'm not allowed to say the H word, ssh...).
2.    Oh, and the rest of the celebrities who didn’t stand up for her could go with them too.
After we’re clear about that, now let’s get down to business.

***

Infotainment reporter – what kind of a job is that anyway?
Well, infotainment reporters are people who make a living by reporting the same thing all the time. Gossip.
Yep, all those information about someone famous’ private life that the public doesn’t need to know.

Sometimes it’s hard for me to even call them REAL reporters.
You know, the ones that give REAL news.
Compare these headlines,

“Cici is finally a Divorcee!” and “The Climate Conference Comes Out a No-Brainer”.

How someone could consider the first one to be some kind of news bewilders me.
That’s why I don’t think they have the same privilege the other kinds of reporters have.

For instance, they don’t get to say, “The public needs to know!”
I’m saying this because infotainment reporters sometimes use these magic words to justify their violent means to create their stories.
Well, my comment is, “Really?”
Does the public need to know if Caca is finally in a relationship, or if Cucu did have a break-up?
The public needs to know things that CONCERN them only.
Issues about humanity, war, economics, politics, the environment, and many other things are for the public to concern.
I don’t think someone’s private matters are among those issues.
So please don’t say because the public needs to know. It proves how a bunch of idiots you really are.
It’s basically like raping girls you like because “if you have a dream, you have to reach it no matter what”.
Don’t blow it out of context.

I also don’t like how infotainment reporters say that the celebrities get their success solely because of them.
I don’t know, but I always think that their OWN work also counts for their success.
It's just the natural process: they work their asses off, people like to see them so they want to see them more, their demands increasing, and so on.
Sure, publicity helps, but it’s far from “a sole cause to their success” like some idiot infotainment show hosts claim.
And it bugs me more when they say it like it is some form of a selfless act.
“It seems that Luna Maya has forgotten the reason she was so successful. Without the effort of the infotainment reporters, there won’t even be..,” and so on.
For God’s sake, infotainment reporters only do it because it will earn them their living! Besides, it's not like they always say good things about celebrities they cover.
It’s definitely not at all a selfless act. It's parasitic. They only publish celebrities that already gain some popularity on their own. I mean, will they publish me? Of course not. Who would want to read or watch something about me?
They are leeches, sucking the blood of celebrities.
Hm..
Come again, they are far worse than that. At least leeches do not think they are doing a selfless favor for their host.

To have the media controlled by this idiotic people has made me lost my hope to Man.
An uneducated community, sadly to say, just like what we have here in Indonesia, will certainly eat something like this up and let the media decide what to think and believe.
It’s a new form of fascism,
that is run by idiots.
God, can there be worse things?

And one other thing, the fact that the other celebrities fail to stand up for Luna Maya for God knows what reason (ass kissing? cowardice?) has started to taken its toll through these events:
-    Some infotainment reporters felt UNDERMINED recently because of the habit of a singer, Ello, who always ditched his show the second it was over, depriving the interviews infotainment reporters hope for. They didn’t just say their feelings out loud, they even threw away Ello’s pre-given CDs in an act of protest.
-    The emergence of some stupid comments by infotainment reporters like,
o    “It’s the risk of being a celebrity, live with it.” (Yeah, I agree. But I don’t think it liberates them to do just about ANYTHING to get their stories)
o    or countless other derogatory remarks aimed to Luna Maya that are very out of place, unfair, and plainly evil (such as the one that accuses her of faking her motherly reaction to Ariel’s daughter just to win the heart of his father)

Who do they think they are anyway?

Friday, December 18, 2009

- removed by author -

This post has been removed due to the author's apparent inability to express his true opinion and intention, resulting in misunderstanding and damages unforeseeable.

In short, this post was a metaphor taken much too literally, a fail attempt of writing a comedic satire.

In shorter, this post was an example of irony not understood.

In shortest, this post was a fuck up.

I'll try to do better the next time I write about satires so people won't get me wrong.

I truly apologize for everyone wrongly offended.

PS: I've always hated and will always hate those pesky gossip reporters. Gossip reporter is a kind of profession which sucks on the wounds of others to earn money. No better than a leech, and certainly deserves everything Luna Maya has said about it.
All my heart goes to Luna Maya and Mieke Amalia.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Screwed Up English Test

Just had an English proficiency test from LIA.
I can't believe how hard the listening part is.
It was filled with problems like this.

Man: How about our plan for Saturday?
Woman: The weather report says it will be rainy on Saturday, but Sunday will be sunny.

QUESTION: what is the woman saying?
a. [can't remember]
b. Sunday will be sunny
c. They have to postpone their plan until Sunday
d. [can't remember]

What the f***?!!! Which one should I pick?!!!

UPDATE
It's 611 and 84 for speaking! Thank God for the structure part!

UPDATE
It's 652 and 87.
I had some sleep.

The Reason I Usually Prefer Western Songs

Here are some lyrics from a western and a local song.
I hope it explains everything.